Side piece: An Open Letter to the Other Woman

We all know the classic story of Barbara and Shirley. Shirley finds her man discernibly  in an affair with another woman to which, she takes it upon herself to reach out to Barbara. The famous account goes a little something like this:

“Hello, may I speak to Barbara? Barbara, this is Shirley

You might not know who I am but the reason I am calling you is because…”

PAUSE. ✋🏾

The moment Shirley felt the need to reach out to the ‘other woman’, she was already wrong.

Instinctively, I think we all want to ‘check a bitch’ but, consider all points of view- not solely what your partner tells you. I’m sure Shirley’s man said what he deemed necessary to regard her feelings and contain her emotions for the moment but, the truth is the truth- and hurt feelings don’t change the truth.

“Side-chicks” as we call them often times get a bad rap for their position in a man’s life, but who is really at fault here? The woman who is under the impression that the man is a free agent? Or the man who is presenting himself to be something that he is not (single). Or are you at fault for jumping to check the wrong person?

Theres always three sides to every story: his side, her side and the truth- all of which contain some truths with varying points of view.

An Open Letter to Other Woman:,

Let me sine yo pity on the runny kine,

I should let you know that I’ve toyed with the thought of being extremely petty.

I thought of the screen shots I could send to you; how I could’ve completely annihilated your feelings- crushed your heart into imperceptible pieces, but I’ve decided to let you make it by penning this letter.

You sent a message, to which you said that you “don’t know who the fuck [I] am” well, allow me to introduce myself: I am the woman that was invited in by “your man” (as you call him). I’m no stranger. I’m the woman that can tell you his name, date of birth, work schedule, kids names and even the size, shape and color of his phallus.  

Truthfully, we talked, face-timed and exchanged text messages so much that you would never believe that he had time (being that he does work three to eleven) to entertain a girlfriend (as you consider yourself). Through the months that he and I exchanged conversation, he never mentioned you . He made me apart of his life; whether that was during his work shift, on weekends after playing football, on his way to pick up the kids, on his break or truly, whenever he could make time- he did. He took time to get to know me. We became the best of friends; he told me about his encounters with various women, but never mentioned you. Our conversation was effortless; we discussed everything, from life, to relationships and things amongst the stars but he never mentioned you. You never existed. I’m sure that he’s told you things about me that aren’t completely true- perhaps out of concern for your feelings or, more so to keep you naive. The truth of the matter is that I am not the problem- I was never the problem.

Now, in your heartfelt message, you said you would “appreciate if [I] stop face timing him”- honey, it would be VERY foolish of you to think that I placed the majority of those phone calls. My presence was always welcomed. Please don’t think that I sent messages and never got a reply or placed phone calls and never got an answer… don’t be as naive as you’ve already portrayed yourself to be.

Clearly, you have a man in your life that does not care enough about you to be completely true to you, and you alone. I regret to tell you that a [real] man would never put you in a position to doubt or question anything you have with or for him.  

Before you typed that message and decided to place it in my inbox as unhesitant as you did, you should’ve evaluated the situation and more importantly, evaluated yourself. What really drove you to send that message? Was it the lies he told you? Was it your sheer intimidation of me?

You felt [your relationship was] threatened enough to confront me over someone who is seemingly ‘your man’. I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has happened and it won’t be the last.

You can only blame yourself for what you accept from a man.

Regardless of these facts, he’s made a clear and seemingly irrational choice to be with you. As a matter of fact, he’s told me that he isn't the best decision maker. You’re just another regret. You are insecure. You don’t trust him. If you think for a second that having him in your presence will change any of that, I beg to differ. You only have him for the moment. I’m sure you will have him to unfollow and/or block me on all social media outlets- but you should know that at some point, I will cross his mind. He will think of me in such a way that you will never compare. And that is so much deeper than communicating on a physical platform.  

It’s cool though. Sharing is caring. After reading this, I’m sure you guys will discuss this letter. Tell him I apologize that he never got to experience the truth… I’ll assume he deals with imitation well- after all, he has you.

For the record, you’re not the only one thats trying to be the only one. In your case, they’ll always be someone with the spare key to your relationship, because clearly, you don’t have a damn thing on lock.

Best of luck to you, yours and the situationship that you guys are in!

Wadatah

Your friend,

B