Ok but... I'm afraid. An open letter to the [possible] love of my life

I need to know that you are certain. I mean without a doubt, nor its shadow. 

Leave no room for second-guessing, as this space is only meant to be covered in assurance. There should be no questioning how you feel about me. 

I need to know that your love comes without the stipulation of condition. That on any terms, you’ll still feel that indescribable way about me. And if you should ever wonder about the love I give to you, those thoughts can be put into a fiery pit of forgetfulness. Because surely, your idle mind wandered into a place of deceit. 

I come bearing many truths of myself; for the weight of untruth is too great to carry. I desire to give the better parts of me all while being sure to acknowledge that the ‘not so good’ are too, parts of me. And it is my greatest but most humble hope that God grants you with a heart of acceptance. That your ears be open to hearing my truths and that your heart listens to gain understanding. 

There are many parts of me. Some, I owe the gift of discovery but being afraid coupled with an antidote of unassuredness can lead to aversion. Not wanting to go there. Some days I feel that the depths for me have yet to be uncovered. Somedays I wonder if having someone around would cause me to delve into a deeper self-discovery? But, that requires self- trust, self-assurance, and self-will. 

You have to be grounded in this life. Knowing that possibility exists but also aware that the inevitable can occur at any time. I would then say that none of us are exempt from the possibilities of life, both good and bad. I believe that we can often find ourselves in positions (in an attempt to be guarded) running away from the possibility of __________. Whatever you desire to fill in the blank with. It could be love, death, disease, famine, hurt, pain… whatever. Creating senseless feat of the unexpected because we tend to fear/turn away from/not like things that we don’t know to be 100% sure. It’s normal and it happens. 

So, maybe I’m contradicting myself for fearing the possibility of love with my stipulation of assuredness. The need to feel completely sure. Perhaps it's just me wanting to be in control of everything in my life because I’ve seen things go bad when I’ve trusted someone who was unsure of themselves. 

In reality, are we ever really sure? 

As I write this, my answer is no. 

We rely on hope and measure of good faith that things will work out. Truly, there are some things we can control and others… we can’t. Life happens and it's inevitable. More times than not, .what we desire most is waiting for us on the other side of fear. It’s just waiting on the chance to prove us wrong.